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15 January 2017 @ 04:08 am
Oh, MacGyver, you missed out on the perfect crashed in the woods situation where Jack could have been hurt and Mac would have had to warm him up with body heat via naked skin to skin contact. How dare. And then Mac wanting Jack to say some last words and Jack being like 'well... I'm not saying I love you.' and Mac being like 'okay? I don't love you either...?' like the oblivious thing he is. Tsk.

You ever know someone and you're sort of on the same page about stuff and then it's like they go all pod person and 180 on stuff and you're like wtf but then later on you find out that they got into a srs relationship or got married or had kids or something and it's like, oh that explains it, like, idk, that stuff changes a person.

Hunting for art shows is such a task anymore. Like used to be you'd go find a magazine and it'd be $15 max to apply and none of it was a big deal, and now everyone uses zapplication (even the little podunk town ones that should really not be using it) and it's $20-$50 to apply for one show, and it's all eight months in advance and you're going for, like, 250 spots where 1000+ people are applying, and they're all so weird about the photos, like 'use our photographer so that your photos are acceptable' weird, and idk wtf they want out of booth shots anymore, that shit makes up, like, 30-50% of your score now, and now the hot thing is needing a tax number for every state you sell in instead of just filling out a one time tax form, and those then cost $50-$100 each, for one show, and like hell I'm paying that on top of a $250+ booth fee, just like hell am I paying extra to get insurance for the booth, or for additional city sellers permits, I swear all these show promoters are shifting all their responsibility. It's all so ugh.

I saw this post on tumblr that was like 'why drink wine, it tastes like rotten grapes, you can drink things that don't taste like rotten grapes' and someone replied like 'well, blah blah wine science, tannins, if you can taste those then wine tastes like bitter ethanol and if you can't then you can really taste the sweet wine grape flavor, try different wines to find the one you like' and other people are like 'oh yeah, makes so much sense, good addition' and I'm sitting here like 'okay... but none of that has anything to do with wine tasting like rotten grapes. tannins or no, if you don't like the taste of fermented fruit then you're probably not into wine??? address the actual post, fancy wine person', but I think it'd be rude to reblog just to say that, so I'm saying it here instead.

I think Breckin Meyer may have been wearing a shearling coat and that's just, it's just so good.
11 January 2017 @ 02:35 pm
Another s3 Cheyenne ep and Cheyenne's in Mexico and he's saved a guy who was shot and who lied about being a lawman and is really the guy who took a shot at this mexican warlord-y guy and now that guy's going to burn down an entire town if the other guy doesn't confess, but the other guy has fallen in love with his lady doctor. But anyway it has this wonderful scene where the shot guy and the doctor and making eyes at each other and saying sweet things to each other and then the camera moves over to Cheyenne who's sitting in the next room over and he looks like so done, like, wtf, why is this my life, I didn't sign up for this nonsense.
Cheyenne's the guy that's always accidentally just in the other room when his friend decides to do it with some girl and so continually regrets every decision he's ever made in life.
10 January 2017 @ 04:35 am
I watched this episode of Cheyenne where him and his NA war scout buddy get accused of kidnapping a white boy even though the boy was really just trapped in a cave in with a bunny the whole time and the whole town is super dickish about the whole thing and so eventually Cheyenne has had enough (after he gets accused too) and breaks his NA war scout buddy out of jail to go look for the boy themselves (even though, entirely reasonably, Cheyenne's buddy could not care less about looking for the boy, because fuck those townsfolk) and they dig him out. But, like, the best part (beyond Cheyenne's questionable relationship with other white people) is at the end and they've sent Cheyenne into the cave in and it's barely big enough for the kid to crawl through so Cheyenne is just barely making it and the kid forgets the bunny and is gonna go back in but then Cheyenne had actually gone back to get the bunny and sort of shoves it through the hole, like he's got this death scruff grip on this rabbit in his big fucking hand, and he's trying to be all lol about it like 'did you forget this little billy?' but he's actually probably really pissed that this is what the fuck was actually going on the whole time.

Cheyenne also respects former dance hall ladies/current bar owners and thinks that they'd make any man proud.

Then I watched an ep of WDOA and it's like cold and stormy out and then Josh gets shot and everyone is like get the fuck out of town and he's all 'I can't someone wants to kill me' and skulks around in the dark cold wind, but then it turns out that it's the lady who's being sort of nice to him the whole time, like she shot him and turned the town against him to teach him a lesson or something because he once bounty hunted someone she knew or whatever and Josh is, like, so entirely done with it that he just gets on his horse and rides away and that's the end and this was another ep that would have been better if it had been a hour long and had also been about Cheyenne instead.

Cause how tragic would an episode be where everyone's like 'screw off' to a wounded Cheyenne because of some sleight he doesn't know he caused? And then Cheyenne could be rescued by some well meaning towns person who's seeing what everyone was doing and thinks they're all assholes because he understands that whatever Cheyenne had done really just happened because Cheyenne was doing his job. And Cheyenne would maybe feel guilty because maybe he could have done something else (although, honestly, would he? because he's done some questionable stuff that he thought was right and not felt bad about basically ruining lives, but oh well) or maybe it was some tragedy that he actually couldn't have prevented but sort of felt like he could have or maybe he's just feverish and sad, idk, anyway the guy would have to gently reassure him that he wasn't one of those jerks from town... but then, tragically, at the end of the ep, it'd turn out that the guy was actually a different kind of jerk and in reality Cheyenne has no one that actually cares about his well being, which is fine, whatever, he doesn't care, and so he drifts on.

So I was reading something about something and someone mentioned giant rats, like cat sized rats, and then someone talked about how in ww1 people would go out onto the no man's land to retrieve bodies and those bodies would be a lot heavier than they should have been and they were actually fulls of giant rats that were staying warm inside the wool uniforms and then those rats would attack the soldiers because they had a taste for human flesh and I already knew about rats in the trenches but I guess I hadn't really thought about how big those rats were or that they would turn so vicious, but now I know and it's like... someone make a movie about that. Or, like, that definitely should be in the gay ww1 movie that I need Breckin to star in with Mark-Paul.

I did not get cast in the play. Quelle surprise. The part probably went to one of the people that the director was friends with or one of the teenagers she teaches because that's how it works in this town (anyone who's not in the "inner circle" knows it). Ahh, small town community theatre politics. The director thought I read well though... but that tends to happen when you can pronounce words accurately and/or know what they mean. (it's like the time another actor was like 'you always know how to say things and where to go' to me and I was like 'oh, well, that's cause I read the stage directions' all over again)

Perhaps I should make Lord Bixby Steals The Alistair Jewel. Twice. gay? Like not only would Lord Bixby be gay, but also instead of the second Alistair Jewel being a lady's heart maybe it should be a dude's? Like maybe it should be Mark-Paul, the unmarried heir of his father's fortune, prized stock though, can't be married off to any ol lady of good breeding, has to be the right one...? Or. Or. Maybe Mark-Paul is Sir Alistair, lonely and rich, and a bit cold, who throws lavish parties, but never happened to find himself a wife. So sad. And Breckin is Lord Bixby, gentleman jewel thief, who snags an invite to one of Sir Alistair's events. And he's perhaps only going there to steal the famed Alistair Jewel, because what does Sir Alistair need of it anyway, what with having no heir. But perhaps there's a terrible storm and the road is washed out and Lord Bixby is trapped in Alistair Manor, and at first he's met with cool formality but that eventually gives way to hidden gentleness, and the more time he spends with Sir Alistair the more kindness Sir Alistair shows him, more warmth and care and love, and Lord Bixby comes to find that Sir Alistair is just as starved for love as he is, and realizes that what he desires most is Sir Alistair's own heart. And he discovers that this prize, this that he so desperately wants for himself, is, perhaps, not something he deserves to have if it's not freely given. He tries to steal the famed Alistair Jewel in an attempt to rid himself of these sentimental feelings, and could freely get away with it if he chose to, but he know's if he did it would destroy Sir Alistair, who holds onto the jewel for sentimental reasons as it's the only link he has to his parents who died tragically when he was but a child. Lord Bixby then can't bare to sully Sir Alistair with his own thiefly wickedness, so he flees into the rain drenched night, desperate to get away. But Sir Alistair follows him to the barn, begging him to explain why he left, and Lord Bixby, lest Sir Alistair get the wrong idea and think it was entirely his fault for opening his heart and perhaps never try to love again, confesses his love, and in doing so must come clean about who he is and what he was truly there to do. He says that the light in Sir Alistair's eyes rivals the light from any jewel he’s ever thought of stealing, that Sir Alistair is the only thing that has ever truly meant anything to him, and that all the jewels and money he ever stole, or will ever steal, is meaningless in the face of a true connection with another person, that that is the most precious thing of all, and it was wrong of him to try and steal that. And he explains that he has to go, because that's the only way to release Sir Alistair from this tainted love. But Sir Alistair stops him. He hands Lord Bixby the famed Alistair Jewel, folding Lord Bixby's hand gently over the glimmering stone. 'You have stolen nothing from me, Lord Bixby.' He explains. 'Indeed, you have given me back something I thought I had lost forever.' And then he gently kisses Lord Bixby before turning and walking back to the manor. Lord Bixby watches him go, conflicted and aching.

So tragic.

...okay, but then, epilogue, it's spring or whatever and Lord Bixby shows back up at the Alistair Manor, and he wants to try again, but this time not as a thief, as a (somewhat) respectable man. Or maybe he runs off after Alistair in the rain. Or maybe they have sex in the barn, idk. Or maybe it does end tragically, with everyone coming off it with only some personal growth and no lasting love.
04 January 2017 @ 04:40 am
There's been some commotion about russia owning lj... I'm not sure if this has suddenly become news that no one knew about before or if russia's years of hacking has suddenly become news that no one knew about before or if people are just being alarmist... but anyway I've updated the copy of my lj over at dreamwidth under the same name, just in cases.

I suppose perhaps we should do the same with the F&B comm? If we think russian hackers will care about Peter and Jared's eternal love?

ONTD had a post about terrible romance novels and it made me think about writing Lord Bixby Steals The Alistare Jewel. Twice. because really, but also perhaps it wouldn't be a nyt best seller or win any awards because there probably wouldn't be rape in it?
03 January 2017 @ 06:37 am
So I had a dream this morning and, well, I don’t remember the exact circumstances that lead to this, but the important part was that there was this giraffe, a maybe 3ft tall, chubby, little giraffe that made a gruff ‘mrr’ noise, and there was a guy and he explained that the giraffe’s name was Alan, Alan Giraffe, which, apparently, was this amazing pun because giraffe sounds like graph and Alan Graph was the guy who invented graph paper.

And dream!me was like ‘…that doesn’t sound right, I should look it up’, but then dream!me realized that this was a dream, and anything I looked up would just reinforce the dream logic, so I had to wake up to find out who the fuck invented graph paper, because if it was true it’d be really amazing, and this lead to an at least five deep dream-ception of waking up to google graph paper invention.

Anyway, Alan Graph did not invent graph paper and Alan Giraffe does not work as a pun.

I also had a dream that Adam Sandler got a job in some show, but it wasn’t to be funny or joke around or anything, all they had him to do was stand in the background while darkly lit, so that he was mostly in shadow… he never moved, he never smiled, he never did anything but stare blankly ahead, shrouded in darkness.

Apparently, according to the show creators, it cost less to hire Adam Sandler to stand around than it did to get a rubber mask of his face made, so this is how they had to do it.

My dreams have real random lately.

Did the audition last night. I, like, can't even tell if I can act anymore? I have no idea if listening to me is as painful to other people as listening to the other people auditioning was to me, I have no idea about what's good, I have no idea what other people think is good, I don't know if the director has any idea of what's going on in the script, and I don't know if anyone's ever seen something from the 1940's because people sure don't know what kind of humor that is.

I watched an ep of Cheyenne where he wore a rain slicker. Good stuff. Primo. Needs more rain slickers.
01 January 2017 @ 12:00 am
How do you do, 2017.
31 December 2016 @ 11:59 pm
Good bye, 2016.
31 December 2016 @ 10:05 am
The Year in Review Meme!
Post the first sentence of the first entry of the month for every month of the year.

Jan - Is everyone watching Galavant? Because everyone should be watching Galavant.

Feb - Oh, Face just had to tell an older lady that he was actually an orphan and had no mom and she was sad that Face never got sent care packages with cookies in them during the war and Face looked like 'oh, this is what having a mom is like' and I died.

March - Do you ever listen to, like, old time music, and suddenly it's, like, way saucier than you assume old time music to be?

April - Oh, Hanna is a god on The Magicians.

May - Went on some deliveries.

June - I can completely talk about things that aren't Cheyenne.

July - Breckin Meyer called Seth his boo.

Aug - I haven't been watching anything.

Sept - I was watching an ep of Cheyenne about a town without water and Cheyenne was playing sheriff and the town founder came up to him and was like 'Oh Cheyenne, I sure hope you'll stay here and be sheriff forever' and Cheyenne (who we all know is physically incapable of staying somewhere once someone asks him to) is like 'Well, this town is dying and jackrabbits and tumbleweeds don't need a sheriff, so I'll probably need to leave immediately right now', but he stays around long enough to shoot the founder's drunk son (? I think? I kinda dozed off midway through), presumably to get out of sheriffing.

Oct - I love when Cheyenne has to undo his holster and he starts by unbuckling his thigh buckle... that's, like, really nice.

Nov - I take back what I said about the Cubs.

Dec - You know, I never got around to talking about The Monkees new album.

... my posts this year were all over the place apparently.

In other news, I watched an ep of Have Gun Will Travel that had a young Werner Klemperer (well, 1959 young anyway) in it and he had hair and was playing a french guy who needed Paladin's help to get a window for his fancy french restaurant because the drunk miners kept breaking it and it was the cutest thing.

I also watched the Cheyenne s3 ep Top Hand and realized that the ranch guy who wants to marry the ranch lady is taller than Cheyenne, so no wonder Cheyenne is jealous of the ranch lady. When will a taller than him ranch owner want to marry him?

Also I was bemoaning to my father the fact the Clint Walker couldn't use Cheyenne to get the same prominence as Steve McQueen did with WDOA and my father thinks it was because Clint Walker was kind of an "odd duck" and hung around a different group of people and basically said that CW was on the gayer side of town possibly, like Rock Hudson, and I'm sitting in the car like omg. And then we talked about how there's a vibe on Cheyenne that you don't get in a lot of these other westerns.
25 December 2016 @ 03:45 am
LJ's been giving me fits, bleh.

Anyway, it was a complete hassle and there were, like, three total overhauls... I decided that maybe an outtake of Ellen and Jared's xmas baby themed photo session was best.

Ellen's ready to kill Jared (look at her eyes, they'll be having a conversation later about proper photoshoot behavior and how to not behave like a child when you're going to be having a child), she just needs one decent photo to keep everyone off her back...

Peter would still totally feel sad and depressed when Jared emailed him with it, no matter how 'look at the ridiculous things you're missing, you're so lucky' Jared is about the whole thing.
21 December 2016 @ 05:07 am
Here's Peter's holiday card while I continue to contemplate how to do a Jared Ellen holiday one.

Peter still works for the chive of course, and I imagine that the chive probably "offers" ("heavily encourages") their employees to get their own holiday themed photo cards when the chive does their annual holiday photo shoot and to, like, promote the brand or whatever so Peter's wearing a chive hat and a chive sweater and really seems like he's enjoying the company of the chive models...

And, because Jared&Ellen vexed me, here's Cheyenne planning on cutting down a perfect tree, assumedly for a guy who will eventually betray him. But he's shirtless, so he'll probably catch pneumonia and die or something. Tragic.